Children and Teen Mental Heath-Your Family is Not Alone

By Jaimie Hutchison

As a licensed therapist in Michigan, I have held several positions working with youth and families. As a former clinician and school counselor, I worked with families struggling with everything from divorce to grief, financial strains, housing issues, substance abuse, family violence, blended families, single parenthood, trauma, toxic friendships, identity issues, academic struggles and a lot of ADHD, anxiety and depression. Millions of children and teens in America face mental health challenges. There is a good chance your child may be too. 

Join our Family Affinity Group session on December 9: Depression, Anxiety, and Other Common Mental Health Challenges in Youth. 

We, as parents, often see symptoms in our kids and are not sure what steps to take. Often, we wait until things get bad until we start looking for a counselor and then we find out about the long waiting lists to get in and that can be overwhelming. The other issue that occurs is that many of us feel alone in our struggle and we do not want our children to be stigmatized by a diagnosis, so we try to handle it all on our own. This leaves us feeling isolated. 

I have worked with many MSU families through consultations that have given me permission to share their stories so that you can see that you are NOT alone. Please note these stories are about children and teens between the ages of 8 and 17.

Changing Family Structure

My child was suffering due to a changing family structure that was a huge loss in their life. I had them in therapy and they resisted because they were so hurt and angry. They often sat in therapy and did not say very much. I went to EAP and then was referred to someone outside of MSU for my own support I and am still working with that therapist. EAP was a huge help for me and it allowed me to gain the clarity and support I needed as a parent of a child who was suffering. One of the hardest days I ever experienced was the day I had to call the police on my child. My child was hysterical, angry, and nothing I did or said would console them. There are other children in the house, and it came to a breaking point. Every room in the house had furniture pushed around and hours went by. I called the police. I had no idea what else to do and I was fearful for my child’s safety and emotional state. If you met me or my child, you would never know the struggles we are facing. It is not evident in school or in social situations. I want other parents to know that they are not alone. I also wanted to share that I have used EAP a few times since I have worked at MSU and it has helped me a great deal. I now have a private therapist who is a great support. We are going to get through this.  

Disturbing Text Message

I found a text message on my child’s phone that was very disturbing. It was a poem about self-harm. I soon found out that my child had been cutting themselves. I knew they had a small circle of friends and that they had been bullied, but I had no idea that they were harming themselves. We talked openly and had good family relationships. We also have a good parent child bond. Still, I was in the dark. It turns out that the cuts were a way for my child to try to feel something other than the pain they felt from the bullying. I sought out help for our family and read a lot of articles and books on the issue of cutting and self-harm in teens. When I mentioned it to a trusted colleague, they told me their teen was having a similar issue with self-harm, pulling their hair out where no one could see it and they had no idea either. Soon, I found several parents in my close circle whose children were struggling, we hadn’t told each other because we were worried about what people would think. We also worried that we may seem like we were failing as parents, but then we realized how hard it was to be a child and teen today. We know that they needed us now more than ever. Now, it is a year later and my child is doing really well. They are active in school activities and have built a stronger friend structure. They also have a village around them that they know they can turn to. 

Missing

It was and is the scariest day of my life. I came home after a phone argument with my child and when I entered the house, the dog had on a leash and was wondering free around the house, but my child was nowhere to be found. Then, I saw a note. My heart dropped. I was sick inside. The note said that obviously no one cared about them, so they were going to say goodbye. I rushed around the main floor and asked my spouse to check all of the other rooms in the house. Our child was not there. I called 911 and gave all of the details to the police. We were able to track our child’s phone and find them. The police picked up our child over seven miles away. I waited outside to greet my child with the biggest hug I could. We were all in tears and the very kind police officer gave us all words of support. The argument we had was the first time ever that I had really lost my temper and yelled at my child. The guilt I felt was horrendous, but the fear that my child felt so desperate stays with me every day. The phone argument was a tipping point. After that day, we found out so many other things that our child was dealing with. They had been in counseling for ADHD related issues, but we increased the duration, communicated with the school, and sent an email to their close friend’s parents. We wanted everyone that saw our child daily to update us if they heard or saw anything that was concerning. That event happened nine months ago. Today, things are much better and although the feeling I had that day has never gone away, our child now has learned skills to handle life’s stressors. This has left us with more emotional ups and downs, but now our child is expressing their feelings and those feelings are not bottled up. My spouse and I have a therapist and our child has a therapist as well. The entire family is working together to strengthen our coping skills. If your child is going through something, know you are not alone. There is a lot of help out there and EAP has a pretty lengthy referral list of people who work with children and teens. The WorkLife Office referred us there and we had a good experience with the referral process. We also worked with the WorkLife Office about how to advocate for our child in school and now have a 504 set up to provide breaks and other assistance to help our child. This specific parenting journey is not something we ever expected, but I am grateful for our family and friends, and everyone that is in our family’s corner. It turns out that many families around us have children that are struggling with something as well ranging from an absent parent in their life, financial issues, depression, social anxiety, you name it. I love each and every one of those kids just the same. They are the same amazing kids I have known for over a decade, now we just know how to support them better. 

What can we do?

These are just three of the dozens of stories I have heard in the past year. There are things we can all do regarding the special children in our lives, whether it is our own children, nieces, nephews, children and teens we coach, friend’s children, neighbors, or grandchildren. We can openly talk about mental health symptoms just like we do physical health symptoms. By normalizing these conversations, we can open the door to the children and teens in our life being able to express things to us. We can listen without judgment and allow our children and teens to be heard. Many youth will have tried to tell others their story only to feel they do not want to hear, or are freaked out, disgusted, or embarrassed by what they have to say. Many adults will jump into giving advice, when often, the teen or child just wants someone to hear them. Convey appreciation for the youth’s willingness to disclose. “I appreciate that you were willing to tell me about _____. I don’t imagine that was easy to talk about but I thank you for sharing it with me.” Consult experts. There are a lot of experts in and around our community who are there to help. Consider reaching out to a counselor for your child, yourself or your family. There are also a number of national hotlines and organizations that may be helpful to you or your family depending on what the issue you are going through is. Finally, learn more. We can help you do that.

Based on the number of consultations and referrals that our office gives out regarding issues with children and teens, know that you and your family are not alone. We have reached out to Community Mental Health and Ele’s Place to learn more about children and grief.

You are welcome to attend our Family Affinity Group session on December 9: Depression, Anxiety, and Other Common Mental Health Challenges in Youth. 

For more information, please do not hesitate to reach out. You matter. Your children matter. Your family matters.